What came up for my realisation on my birthday is the concept of NON-ATTACHMENT.
As I kept progressing spiritually, I kept having to let go of friendships and relationships that were close and had been very pivotal in helping me fulfill my different dreams along the way. However because I kept transcending myself, it meant my needs, values, dreams & desires kept evolving & that meant the relationships that had once meant the world to me had to be let go of. In their place I connected to new relationships that were more in alignment with who I was becoming. Some of the old ones took on a new dimension.
But that said, no matter what, letting go of any relationship that had once meant a lot to us can be traumatic and for the past year I had been doubting my past choices. But yesterday, on the day of my birthday, I had a very clear guidance that I had indeed done the right thing.
The message was that since GOD & life are always transcending themselves constantly, it meant that to be in & flow with the river of life requires us to constantly transcend ourselves. That means at different points in one’s life, one will have a different set of relationships with different types of people to experience different types of relationship experiences depending on one’s stage of evolution, life lessons to be learnt and limiting beliefs/illusions to be let go of. Once the purpose of the relationships are done, we are meant to let them go and move on to new ones. It does not mean that one is cold, detached, mean or ungrateful. The love we once shared will always be in our hearts but we will not be attached to that love, experience or the person any longer. Instead we will always bless the relationship, experience & person for all they once did for us and meant to us. At the same time we allow the relationship to be let go of with grace.
It is all about surrendering to the flow of life and our own spiritual evolution. Part of spiritual evolution is about letting go of all emotional attachments. Loving truly & deeply is not the same as being emotionally attached. Since we are from the ONE, what we do for our highest good will also end up being for the highest good of the other.
Trauma gets stored in the body. If you find yourself releasing trauma, then the best thing to do is to find some form of movement to allow the trauma to release instead of getting stuck back in the body.
For example, when I go to the park and meet the monitor lizard, the fear in me gets instantly triggered and I suddenly come into massive energy that propels me to keep running until I am way past where I found the monitor lizard. No matter how weak I was feeling previously, I will suddenly have massive amounts of energy to sprint like crazy for quite a long distance.
Lately, I have been releasing loads of deep heart wounds-loads of grief , pain and anger- and the way I release them is that I need to take some sort of local day travel to release them, even if it is just for a couple of hours.
Trauma is the cause for much of our difficulties, struggles & lack of abundance & prosperity. Even shame gets stored in the body. So that is why releasing the cellular memories from our bodies becomes so crucial.
This solar eclipse is helping me face something I have been rejecting, denying, trying to run away from & stuff down with addictions. It is asking me to face & let go of my sexual guilt & shame & replace it with sexual pleasure.
It’s such a profound & interesting journey for me- going from a place of intense fear to a place of love. Instead of rejecting out of fear, I decided to turn around & accept & love the very thing I was fearing & wanted to delete from my life- the sores around my lips.
I then decided to dialog with my higher self & that is how my higher guidance told me that I was to replace my sexual guilt with sexual pleasure.
I find myself now holding a compassionate space for all women to heal & transform & let go of their sexual guilt & embrace their sexual pleasures.
I also realise that it is this guilt that has been blocking me & hence I came from a place of trying hard to have my needs met & yet not being able to truly meet them. It is the reason for all the pain that manifested as hunger pangs.
I have learnt how futile it is to try hard when there is the gatekeeper called guilt & shame constantly blocking my best efforts. Hence I have decided to just ALLOW for the RELEASE of my sexual guilt & just ALLOW myself to RECEIVE sexual pleasure. And I realise that it is a moment to moment decision.
For example, my healing journey allowed for me to use widetipped colored pens to write & it brought back memories of how during my kindergarten days I never got to use those big paint brushes as much as I would have loved to & how I felt deprived & disatisfied as a result & left a deep imprint on me. Now I get to give myself that pleasure I missed in a new form.
I always visualized the healing spiral as going upwards. Today I finally had the clarity to see it differently. Now I am able to see it as an inverted spiral that goes deeper into the core of who I AM- at my heart center. So now I see it in the form of a corkscrew that is used to pop open the stopper on a wine bottle.
Why do I say that? Reason being, when we are in the process of healing a pain or trauma inside of us, it can be very hard, painful & challenging to get to all of the pain or trauma in all of its intensity all at once.
I am currently on this corkscrew spiral of healing very deep seated traumas & pain within me. So though I am a rather healthy eater, during these times of great releases & healings, I do have very intense cravings for some not so healthy food. Initially I will not have the will or strength to overcome this craving because of the intensity of the trauma I am releasing. So after indulging in the food a couple or few times, I will then find the strength & will to go deeper into the trauma & heal it & I will lose my craving for this food. Then I will have a craving for another food & the same thing as above happens. But each time, I am going deeper & deeper into the trauma to heal it & to finally reach the center of my being where divine love from my higher self resides.
Going deeper into the trauma to heal it entails me being able to see into the trauma without running away from the pain & just accepting how broken, incomplete & cut off from the supply of love it feels. It’s about being able to sit with it & being able to acknowledge how shitty it feels & all the shit it is going through with the deepest of compassion. Not blaming nor shaming it but just accepting it as it is with pity, sympathy & compassion.
“It’s all my fault”. This is a huge belief system in many of us. It get’s played out very prominently in the workplace & family. There seems to be many things that seem to magnify & reinforce this belief in us. Especially all the times we could not meet the expectations that was within ourselves & also the unspoken vibes sent to us by others, trying to blame us for their problems.
But really think about this. Think about all those times when someone has benefitted because of us. Think of all those times you have turned a negativity into positivity. Think about all those times when someone could smile & be happy because of you. All those times someone felt loved because of you. All those times you did something another was not able to do…
Let us work on magnifying those times when we made a positive difference. Let us start taking & magnifying the credits.
That will give us the grounding we need to carry on whatever we are currently doing without having a psychological burnout & walking out on our jobs or relationships. As we start appreciating ourselves, we will start attracting those who appreciate us or we will seek out those who appreciate us.
May we see the blessing we really are without buying into the tyranny of “It’s all my Fault”.
I have been caught up in some family dynamics that has brought a huge revelation about my own inner thoughts & beliefs. I realised that as much as my mother has been blaming me for her problems, I have been blaming others for my problems. I finally have realised that hey I was never meant to be perfect. Even if I am a multidimensional being having an earthly life, it would actually go against my very nature to be perfect. After all, we all have different ideas of what is right/wrong/good/bad/acceptable/unacceptable. So how can the concept of perfection even exist right? So how can I expect others to be perfect? Instead of chronically nitpicking & complaining about how people are not living up to my standards, I have decided to change my outlook & do away with my mentally created standards & just see all the good that exists. I am learning to see how insisting on certain standards from others or even myself will only lead to much unhappiness in my relationship with myself & others. So I have decided to see how everyone is just doing what feels right from their perception. So instead of trying to change them, their standards, their perceptions & their behaviors, I have decided to change myself & find peace where I could not find peace before. So that my energy is able to move from a very negative chronically complaining energy to one that is grateful & appreciative.
And referring to Louise Hay writings, that would be very helpful for my liver meridian
It was time to sleep at night when I was woken by faint sounds in the room. I then switched on my bedside lamp & found the source of the sound: A beetle that glowed a golden hue in the dark. I then felt inspired to read something before going back to bed. I was then very rudely woken up by the incessant buzzing and flying of the beetle all around my room. I was then forced to wake up & google beetle+totem for what the beetle’s message for me is about. My personal interpretation is this: Though really small & insignificant, just its presence of incessant buzzing & flying around made me easily do things I otherwise would never have done tonight. I have issues with hypercleanliness & it made me break my own mental barriers there. I have been wanting to write for some time but could not find the motivation nor clarity as to what to write about. Now I realise I was taking the content I wanted to write about way too seriously. The beetle reminds me of a little child with a mind of its own. I have now done what I have been putting off doing – got the WordPress app on my phone so now hopefully I will find it easier to write more regularly. But the biggest message is this: To move a mountain, just the right tiny change will do. Something simple, easy & perhaps wild & crazy. Where we are looking for big things to give us the transformations we seek, perhaps something small & easy could be the answer we are searching for. To give us the emotional & mental impetus we need to do the things we could never have done otherwise. So we might need to think simple, easy & light after all.